Hope for karatoconus...sight is heavenly.

I have spent the past 3 decades being mad at my optometrists, or believing that as we age, poor eyesight is a given we must learn to live with.  I have been legally blind since the second grade when I was diagnosed with nearsightedness.  Since then I have worn either glasses or contact lenses.  About 20 years ago I gave up on glasses because they are so expensive and by the time I got them home, I could not see properly out of them.  I have been wearing contacts only all of these years.  My vision continued to be poor.  During my early 50's, I went through 6 years of full time college for an M.A. so that I could help supplement the family income, after my husband lost his business.  Believe me, it's tough going to school at that age (considering the normal loss of brain function associated with aging).  I can not put into words how extraordinarily difficult it was for me to accomplish that goal with uncorrectable blurry vision.  It was brutal.  Especially during my internships.

In the past year I have noticed that my vision acuity fluctuated a lot even during the course of a day.  Sometimes it was horrible and others it wasn't as bad.  Out of frustration, in Dec. 2010,  I went to see if I might be able to get better vision with laser surgery.  My eyes had to pass 15 qualifications in order for me to be a candidate.  Everything was looking great and arrangements were being made so I could stay that day and have the surgery done.  I still had a couple of exams to pass before we went ahead with it.  The last test was for keratoconus.  It turned out that I had a significant case of it in both eyes.  I was devastated after the Dr. dropped the bomb that because of this I was not a candidate for laser surgery.  He then asked if I experienced fluctuation in my vision.  This was the first time I had any idea that I wasn't like every other older person with failing vision.

Keratoconus is a degenerative corneal disease that can possibly result in the need for cornea transplants.  The cornea becomes weak, flabby, and unable to hold it's shape.  Sometimes it forms a cone shape pointing out from the eye. Sometimes it sags like my tummy did after childbirth.  Mine corneas are like the latter.  In Jan. 2011, I went to Dr. Boxer Wachler for a second opinion after researching keratoconus online
http://www.boxerwachler.com/c3-r-cxl-crosslinking.html.

I learned that there is a procedure that causes the cornea to strengthen over a period of months by stimulating collagen cross linking.  It is very expensive (which was pretty depressing).  My husband encouraged me to try the procedure because my eyes are very important and worth the sacrifice.  I had no idea what to expect.  I certainly didn't expect miracles.  This was only a precursor to another procedure that was even more costly, but is designed to improve both vision and astigmatism.  I decided that I would go ahead with the first procedure and wait a couple of years so I could save up for the other procedure.  I didn't expect much from the first until the second could be performed.

I had the Holcumb C3-R procedure done on Friday, Jan. 14th, 2011.  I rested my eyes over the weekend and did not put my contact lenses back in until Tuesday morning.  The first thing I noticed was little bits of popcorn on the living room carpet which were left over from Saturday night when we had friends over for a movie (I mostly just listened since I couldn't see it).  I thought we picked everything up after our guests left.  The next thing I noticed was the crumbs on the kitchen counter from the cookies we baked for them.  I honestly had no idea that the counters were not clean.  Tuesday night I noticed Orion's belt in the sky.  I could actually see stars in the sky.  I thought that since we live in the city stars were rarely seen by anyone here.  I also could see the "face" of the man in the moon.  It wasn't just a fuzzy white sphere.  Today I noticed how dirty my car is, and I was fascinated how the leaves on bushes and trees shimmer in the sunlight.  I went to a meeting for work and could actually read the document in the front of the room produced by the overhead projector.  For two nights (after wearing my lenses all day long), I haven't experienced dry eyes (so severe that I have to squint constantly because of the discomfort, not to mention the fuzzy haze on EVERYTHING by then).  I can't remember the last time my eyes were comfortable and focused at night.

Thurs. Jan. 20, 2011

Today I have spent the day walking around saying, "Wow... wow... wow...".   The first thing that jumped out at me this morning was the "popcorn paint" on the overhang outside my office window.  I could recognize people who were at the end of my building block.  I saw the edge of the baseball field in the park across the field.  I could read EVERY poster in my room.  One of them I have NEVER been able to see without walking right up to it and squinting.  I noticed how badly my boots need polishing.  At lunch I ran to the store to grab three things.  As soon as I stepped inside, the words on the packages all around clearly jumped out at me.  I could read the area category signs in the isles without squinting.

The only down side at this point is that my close up vision is getting more difficult to discern.  I wear bifocal contact lenses, have done for 15 years at least.  I know for sure that my close up vision prescription needs to be changed.

I'll keep you posted on other heavenly amazing things about what has happened to my vision since my procedure was done.

Santa, here is one thing on my Christmas list for next year.

Okay, this isn't heaven, but, I believe that in heaven transportation will be a lot easier and certainly cheaper than anything we typically see here.  I've put this on my "I'm being good list".  We can dream can't we??

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I LOVE helping people to be their best.

I just have to share my other blog here because the things I write about there are different.  I posted a few things lately that I'm passionate about or just have fun with, so if you want to share in those things with me too, go to www.saespeakclearly.com and click on the blog.

Today I had three wonderful people in my house whose first language is Spanish.  They all have either been in embarrassing or devastating situations because of their accents.  We had so much fun laughing and learning how to use the Standard American English (SAE) accent.  It isn't until you become familiar with some of the differences between SAE and other accents that you realize... we make some awful sounds!  For instance, no other language has to bleat like a lamb or make the sound of an annoying baby crying, aaaaaaa.  It's harsh sounding, not romantic like Spanish or French, or even British English.  I love that I can hear those sounds and describe how to make them.  I will be posting the progress of my little group on the other web site so take a peek once in a while.  It should be fun :)

I'm very thankful that my husband was not literally taken to heaven on Saturday.

Wouldn't you know... my phone was dead on Saturday morning.  He had to call a neighbor who turned her car around and rushed over to our house to inform me that my husband had been in an accident and totaled his car.  Bless her heart, I'm so thankful there are angels living among us here on earth.  My husband had gone to pick up his laundry (which you can see in the back window), work out, and open a bank account for the Buena Park High School football booster club (that just voted him in as treasurer).  I always have believed in angels (who watch over us), but I am absolutely positive they were there with him in his car when that big truck t-boned his little Ford Focus.  There was glass everywhere.  His side airbag deployed. After spinning 360 degrees, he ended up on the sidewalk across the street, just a few feet away from dropping over to the 91 freeway down below.  He had to crawl over to the passenger side door to get out, but he walked away with no cuts and no broken bones.  He did end up with a moderate whip lash and a sprained right pinkie finger (which thrust through his key ring on impact).  He's having fun explaining to people what happened to his pinkie (which is the only thing in a brace).  I'm just enjoying knowing that he not only has a tale to tell, but he has lived to tell it.

I'm overwhelmed. Is it possible to have too many heavenly moments?

No, I'm sure it's not possible to have too many heavenly moments. It's not like eating to much candy or French fries. I've discovered that as I focus on things that I am thankful for, I find myself enveloped in that warm fuzzy feeling of "Pinch me. Can this really be MY life? It's so amazingly wonderful!!" I don't know if you've seen the movie, "Joe Versus the Volcano", but in the movie, Joe is stranded out in the middle of the ocean for who knows how long. It just so happens that he is floating on his extremely expensive set of waterproof luggage which is fully stocked with everything he needs to barely sustain life. Prior to this predicament, he was a severe hypochondriac who hated his life. On his last visit to a doctor he was given the news that he is dying. One night, while he was floating on his luggage, he looked up and saw the full moon when it was at it's largest, hovering over the horizon. He stood up, stretched his arms up toward the sky and said, "Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life".

Earlier in the movie, Patricia, the girl he meets along the way, casually makes this statement: My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.

Maybe what I'm experiencing is that feeling of being "awake" enough to realize how BIG my life is. The trigger for the awakening is gratitude. This blog has kept my thoughts on the many things that I have to be thankful for. There are so many that I don't even know where to begin writing about even the things that just happened this week!! Everyone has to live on this planet. It's a given that no one gets out of this life without living a LOT of both good and bad moments. I guess that the "sleeping" people Patricia referred to in the above statement, are the people who spend their lives focusing on the bad things that happen to them, or the bad things around them. I have definitely had my lifetime of BAD moments. I'm so extremely thankful that I have the chance to shut off that focus and experience being "awake". Even the most horrible "life", (situation), has much beauty to be found if beauty is sought after. Think about all of the amazing stories from the World War II prison camps. There were those who focused on the bad around them and they just gave up and died. Then, there were those who rose above their circumstances and found things to be thankful for. They not only lived, but lived to become a light, a beacon of hope to those around them. Those individuals went on to be "awake" for the rest of their lives and some continue even today to be a living beacon of hope, joy, gratitude, and love.

I'm so thankful for my life! As I watch my grown children I marvel at their ability to rise above the negative aspects of life and focus on the positive. As I stated in an earlier post, I was not a "happy mommy" when my children were young. It breaks my heart to remember me then. But my heart swells with overwhelming joy and gratitude as I speak with my now, adult children on the phone, or read their blogs. They speak about how thankful they are for their lives, their experiences and opportunities, their spouses, or their little ones. Their pictures, their remembrances of daily moments, their "focus" is on the good, and their love for their spouses and their tiny children grows tangibly larger every day. How could I not feel like I'm in heaven as I daily witness this?

I will NEVER be able to do that.

Have you ever heard someone say that? Well, I suppose that in certain circumstances that could be true. I will never be able to be a pro football player (mostly because I'm not a guy and I'm sure I'm past the age limit). But have you ever heard someone say, "I will never be able to do that", about something that is actually within their grasp? How about, "I will never be able to be organized", or "I will never be thin", or "I will never be able to get good grades", or "I will never be able to control my spending habits",..... the list goes on and on and on.

I have a "dream job". I never thought I was smart as I grew up. As a matter of fact, I was in my 50's (oops, okay... so now you know....), when I discovered that I'm actually pretty smart. I discovered as I was raising my children that I had ADD as a child (still do), and no matter how I tried, I could not get good grades. When my older brother wanted to get the best of me in a heated sibling rivalry moment, I would call him a typical name (for kids who are fighting), "you're stupid!", he would counter with, "Wanna compare report cards?" He was always an "A" student. What a crusher!! I wanted to get good grades in the worst way but I just didn't know how. After raising our 5 children I learned a lot about how to help them be successful. During those years I had a variety of part time jobs where I typically made minimum wage. I remember how excited I was when I got a job as a classroom teacher's aide working with autistic children, and I was paid $12 and hour. That was amazing to me. I'd never made that much before. One day, I realized that maybe I could do better. As I watched the teacher and supported everything she did in the class with the kids, I thought, "I might be able to do something like that myself." So, I started finishing up my general education prerequisites, one class per semester by going to a junior college one night a week. Math was my biggest dread. I had to take two "dummy classes" before I could take the one I needed in order to transfer to a university. When our "baby" was a junior in high school, I had finally completed all of my General Education requirements and with fear and trepidation I enrolled in a university, quit working, got a student loan, and started going to school full time. I had been getting "A's" at the junior college level, but that was only one class a semester. As I dove in, I discovered that with the techniques I taught my children to succeed with, I was able to continue to get "A's" at the university level. I still marvel that it was even possible... that it happened to ME. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely an intense amount of work and my family thought I had moved to another country, but I did it!! It took 6 years to earn 2 bachelor's degrees, a master's degree, a teaching credential, my state licence, and my national certification. Now I'm a Speech and Language Pathologist. I LOVE what I do. I work with older kids and adults. My biggest "high" is to work with someone who, for many years, has said things like, "I'll NEVER be able to say the /R/ sound right", or "I give up, I'll always have a lisp", or "I've been in the United States for 20 years now and I am told I will never be able to move up in the company because I can't be understood due to my strong accent". The Lord must really love me, or at least He is very aware of me and answers my prayers. I have worked with more people than I can count now, who have overcome these speech challenges quickly, and I get to say, "you don't need me any more". Tapping into your God-given talents, or at least having the privilege of being guided by the Lord to learn beyond what your education gave you, and experience success, sure does feel like what heaven must be like.

I believe in Miracles.

Okay, so most of us who have children have at least one that takes ALL of our constant thoughts, creativity, research, collaboration,... basically they are on our minds all of the time because we just can't think of what to do next to influence them to do what they need to do to become a successful, productive, and contributing adult someday. In other words, they drive us constantly nuts!!! Yes, out of the 5 I had one of them. I tried every parenting tip available at the time. About the only thing that was effective was when this child would do something inappropriate, I would take him upstairs and we would kneel down beside my bed and pray. (When all else fails, rely on a higher power.) We also would use appropriate scriptural references and my "parables" (I'm sure inspired by a higher power), to shed light on the situation. After our children grew up they had interesting ways of referring to my "parables", but I was extremely grateful the Lord gave them to me nonetheless. We would then have lengthy discussions about what types of choices the Savior, Jesus Christ, would like us to make. Our family has a powerful foundation of love and trust for the Savior so, thankfully, that was a wonderful base to work from. To my relief, my son would usually come to the conclusion that the Savior would have a different idea of the appropriate way to handle the situation he had recently been "caught" in. It was wonderful, however, it is absolutely mind boggling how many NEW situations a child can dream up. I'm not talking once a week, I'm talking... DAILY. He really kept me on my toes. When he grew up he said a couple of amazing things;

1. When asked why he did the things he did as a child and a youth, and why restriction was always a better decision for him than to just do his chores, or homework, or get along with his siblings, he said, "I thought I was 'winning' if I didn't do what you asked." (Strange logic... but there you have it).

2. "Mom, I hope I don't get a child like me."

Now he is grown and has a beautiful family of his own. I said, "sweetheart, I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE, EVER!

Now, I like to just sit and watch him with his wife and children. It's like watching a "feel good" movie. There is so much love and joy in their home. He was blessed with two adorable, sweet little girls and the perfect wife. He was never a typical "sit still and learn in school" type of person which of course caused me much concern. However, he has NEVER been without a job. He has so much natural talent, and ability to learn and lead that he has been a blessing to every employer that has ever hired him. He just had the opportunity this summer to move to Utah with his family into a beautiful home. He just announced yesterday, that he got a new job making more than he was making before the move, with lots of room for the business to grow and for him to move up in it! Helping a business to grow and improve is his specialty. So... you think miracles don't happen? Well, here is a story of many miracles. He is not only a delightful person to be around, he is constantly amazing me with the way he is able to take life a day at a time and turn it into something wonderful. This is what heaven must be like.